


Far and Away

by LadyGraceGrey



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Friends to Lovers, Hate to Love, Intrigue, Isabela as an Advisor, Letters, Much plot, Multi, This was just a one shot!, Trust Issues, WTF happened here?!, Whoops plot bunnies, slow-burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-13 18:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10519197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGraceGrey/pseuds/LadyGraceGrey
Summary: There was a reason for this... Wasn't there? She had her own missions now. She had assignments... But it didn't stop how this felt. Not by a long shot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Possible one-shot, with the idea this may become a collection.

Another letter. Isabela stored it away as soon as it was brought to her. Her smile was still bright, if a bit strained around the edges... And Sera noticed. 

Drinking and eating cookies with her had become her new habit, a new way of hiding away from Cullen. And to a lesser extent Leliana. It wasn't like she could /really/ hide from the all to all knowing former Bard turned Spymaster... And that was the trouble. 

She knew the Spymaster was suspicious of her. As she should be by all accounts. But it wasn't necessarily herself Isabela was trying so hard to protect... It was her lover. Her husband. The one she married in secret and smuggled out of Kirkwall to set up as a normal healer in Rivian... If a rich healer. 

It was Anders. And she knew without even looking for that tell tale mark in the top left corner of this folded parchment, he had sent it. She could feel it. In how her heart fluttered. In how she wanted to cry and scream and break something... In the way the messenger had just /looked/ at her. 

Sera seemed too sharp today, setting down her tankard softly and pulling her knees up to fix Bella with a arched brow and a slight smirk. 

"You gonna read that? Or you gonna pretend it isn't some lover boy and just a dirty Limerick or somethin?" 

That's when her smile fell, instead fixing her eyes on the clouds as her jaw tensed. 

"It's probably not good news is all. Why? Want me to spill all my secrets for all the /invisible/ ears in the wall?" 

Sera cringed, scooting away from the wall at her back with a wrinkled nose and a slight whine. 

"Eww! Now all I can think is some creepy mages house of somethin, with /blood/ oozing from the walls and... I should do a prank like that actually." 

Usually Bella would have laughed, but the weight of this letter pressing against her breast kept her tongue carefully in check. She did sigh, heaving herself to her feet to start making her way over the window sill and back into the tavern. 

"I need another drink. You want anything sweetness?" 

But really she ignored the flirty response from her flighty and chaotic friend. Ducking back into the dimly lit room and out over the landing for fun... Or just to escape faster. 

The sooner she found some peace, the sooner she could cry over a letter that she could never hope to respond too. 


	2. Cruel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He always knew she was like the sea... He forgot the depths of her cruelty.

A single piece of parchment had never terrified any person the way it did to her now. 

It lay there, innocently hidden in plain sight amount the scattered maps and missives that cluttered her tiny desk. 

And she placed before it. Chewing on her lip stud and trying to make the seven steps it took to reach one wall to the next in her closet of a room last enough to calm her raging heart. It wasn't working. 

She mumbled to herself, pointless arguments both for and against reading it. Her bones felt heavy, almost as much as her heart. And each time her Amber colored eyes flitted back to that damn paper it weighted her down even more. At this rate she could crack the stone she was wearing a trench in! 

Why in the Void did she have to be so scared?! She made this decision, she knew the cost... The risks... Why now should she feel like she wasn't strong enough?! But there it was... She wasn't strong enough. She was just damn good at pretending. 

And that made up her mind, spinning on her heels to grab the paper and flop into her bed to read it hungrily. She could deal with the pain later. 

Or she thought. 

His script hadn't changed, the way he spoke to her still made her heart flutter. His little pet-names sprinkled in... As if that could take the sting out of his words. But it didn't. 

By the end of the page she couldn't see it anymore. Tears streaming down her cheeks and she muffled a sob against her hands, letting the parchment fall to rest on her abdomen. 

She had done this. Taken everything from him and promised him the world after. Only to leave him a shell of a man. He was done. He had stopped trying. Everything he once loved to do held no sparkle for him. She had taken his wonder. His joy... And she was lost. 

All that work, everything she was trying to do it parked in comparison to that. To those words... It was damning. And she rolled over, crumpling the letter in the motion, to scream her self rage and pain into her pillow. 

What was she supposed to do?! She couldn't write him back. She couldn't beg him to find that joy again! She was... Helpless. All over again. Isabela, Admiral of the fleet of the Inquisition itself... Was reduced to Niashe. The former slave girl with fair too many naive ideals and a far too open heart, with all the pain and helplessness that went with it. 

And this time, no Crow was coming to her rescue. This time.. she could do nothing. 

She knew what she had to do now. Her original hopes when coming to the Inquisition had changed. Her purpose was still clear, to stop the slave trade over the open seas... But there was more now. She had to get Hawke back... She had to. And she knew without a doubt she would die in the process. But he deserved a better rate, and in it all... She was killing the man she loved. The one that deserved redemption and a brighter future even than what she had hoped to give him. 

Her sons were subsiding into numbness now. Feeling the paper under her, wishing it was a hot brand just for the pain that would be easier to manage. But... There wasn't time now. She had no excuses. 

She got up, taking the paper with her and carefully refolding it to fit within the envelope. There was a strange detachment in her motions. Like she couldn't really believe this was her hands, that she was taking her septum piercing out and placing the gold ring into the envelope... Like she couldn't quite understand it was her script that flew across the front, over the marking he had made. 

A simple message. 

"Return to Original Owner" 

 

And she meant it. She could give him this last piece of herself. Something no one else could own. The promise of a life that they could never have... She owed him that. 


	3. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wasn't always as clever as she thought. Hiding something in plain sight took work, and today she didn't feel much like working for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is a thing now. Somehow my muse woke me up with ideas that just won't leave! And I am helpless to deny her so... Tadah this is a full blown story now. God have mercy on us all.

Morning came with the chirping of birds and warm sunlight against her face, but you would think it was snowing and cold from her dower expression. 

She rose slowly, still in her clothing from the day before. For once her eyes didn't hurt or even feel puffy. She hadn't managed to sob herself to sleep she had just... Slept. Which also meant she was up far earlier than she had intended. 

The letter was gone, handed off to Sera late at night when the hyper elf girl had come knocking to try and drag Isabela out for yet more drinks. Of course just seeing her expression had been enough to shut her up, and she had snatched the letter with a grumble about, "Bloody walls would be better.." and left. 

So essentially, by now either all of Skyhold knew something was gossip worthy... Or there was going to be absolute silence whenever she came in a door. Hard to say which yet, and she didn't care to think about it. 

Her feet hit the cold stone and it took her a full five minutes before deciding, No you can not in fact curl back in bed and pretend this was all a bad dream. She had work to do... And she had to get moving because time was running out. 

Seeing her now naked nose in the small looking glass was nearly enough to break all her ideas about going anywhere. And on impulse she smacked the hilt of one of her daggers into the gilded framed mirror. Which... Of course ended in a rush of pain as bits of glass embedded in her palm. 

She cursed, a bit of at herself and a bit of at the world and mostly just because now... She wasn't numb anymore. And that was going to become either a problem... Or a new addiction. Neither of which she much liked. 

A sudden knock on her door had her mouth close with a snap and her voice fall silent. It was followed shortly with another series of knock this side of breaking the door down. Only one person... Maybe two she knew of that would do that. A frantic glance out her window confirmed her fear, it was just after Dawn. Too early for her to rise usually and too late for a certain Commander to wait on her anymore. 

"Admiral! Maker's breath, get up! Must I do this every day?! We've a council in the War Room and so help me I will drag you there decent or not!" 

Of course, of bloody course! A quick peek at her still bleeding hand confirmed she probably couldn't throw open the door and hit the great blithering sack of bricks, not without a lot more questions than she wanted to answer. She took her bandana off, tiring it hastily around her hand and cursing the entire time as she nearly tripped over her boots in her rush. 

"Better get me some cloths then! Was waiting for Sera, unless you like seeing woman's blood!" 

A bit of a lie... Enough to maybe make him leave feeling entirely grossed out. Also a bit of truth since she couldn't very well walk around with her hair hanging down in ringlets as it was so prone to do and her signature bandana around her hand without questions. 

But instead of an about face she expected... She heard shuffling. Curious she leaned her head against the door to listen. All she heard was silence. 

"Commander? Why are you-"

"Did you need teas? Or uh... Does your usual coffee help? My sister tends to have terrible pain... We can skip the morning meeting?" 

She honestly had no idea how to answer that. It was probably right up there on her "List of things that will never happen" next to Dorian swearing off wine! And yet here it was, they hated each other on /good/ days and today was absolutely not a good day. And for once... She didn't have the strength to argue him. Not when he seemed so... Bashful? Was that the word? 

It reminded her so sharply of another warrior she had known. And had loved. It reminded her of Fenris, how nothing ever phased him... How he would have these moments of tenderness that were not exactly rare per-say just... Not really noticed unless someone was looking for it. 

She had taken too long to respond it seemed, because she could hear his gauntlet click against the pull of her door with a very concerned sounding, "Isabela?" 

She snapped to attention, ignoring the tears in her eyes and the way her desire to just slid down and curl up on the floor was rising. 

"Coffee? Please? And uh... If we have oranges... Thank you Cullen."

One intake of breath that sounded very much that a hiss through teeth and he stepped back. 

"Right... See you in the council then. Try not to be late this time?" 

And there it was, the old Cullen. The one she loved to bicker with and talk down too. She almost choked on her laugh and instead kicked her door just good measure. 

"I'm /never/ late! I just don't obsess like someone I know!" 

She heard him chuckle, and she heard him leave. And then she was completely alone with her thoughts and her throbbing hand. 

Groaning she turned to find her boots and shove her feet into then, only to scream and jump back as her eyes met a very smug pair of sharp blue of the Spymaster herself.. that was currently perched on her desk. 

"Here I thought he would never leave! Shame... This was getting interesting." 

That's how Isabela knew... Today wasn't going to be a good day. 

Leliana gestured to the mirror, scattered letters and all and pinned her with a calculating look. 

"I see we took the idea of bleeding walls to heart... Care to explain or should I just tell you what I already know?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appease the plot Bunny slave masters!


	4. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She played with heart and assumptions. Leliana plays a much bigger game. In the end... Does she have any way to win?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have barely any muse today for some reason... But we are going to try anyways!

Half a second to remember how to breathe, half a minute to realize the Spymaster had climbed through her window sometime between when she had leaned against the door and when she had turned back around... Less than a heartbeat to find her voice. 

"What about neither? Don't see how I need to tell you anything at all and whatever you /think/ you know I couldn't care less." 

Isabela was actually rather proud that her voice sounded her normal flippant. And she was even more proud that she didn't even flinch at Leliana's answering giggle. Honestly, the whole tinkling bells thing was annoying as a phrase, worse in person. 

She moved to grab her boots, firmly ignoring the new person in her room. Albeit finding that difficult with said person /watching/ her every move. 

Leliana just sighed, leaned back on the desk and pulled an envelope from her... Well somewhere. She probably secret pockets that had secret pockets within that armoured hood. 

"Hmm. My only concern was whether you would be a threat to this Inquisition. I would have expected you to do everything you could to prove your trustworthiness. However... This is I did not expect."

Isabela groaned her frustration, reaching impulsively to snatch the letter only to find her wrist griped tightly and her body nearly thrown up against a wall. Broken glass made little tinkling sounds as the Spymaster shifted on her feet to hold her firm. What was funny... And probably shouldn't be... Was Bella knew this move. She had taught it to the Bard long ago when the Blight had been the biggest threat. 

She could feasibly fight back of course, but at this point her heart was racing and her go to defense had always been flirtation. 

"Uh, what no dinner first sweet thing? I mean I guessed that the sight of blood and pain got you off, but you still know that rape is wrong right? We don't even have a safe word!" 

That earned her face being shoved into the wall hard enough to bruise. 

"Oh I have no intention of anything of the sort Isabela. I had no intention of touching you at all... But your secrets are going to get us all killed. And that I just can't forgive." 

There was something downright evil in how such a dulcet voice could turn so dark and hard. And Isabela hissed a pained breath as her arm was twisted just a bit more. The hurt one too, damn Bards. 

"I didn't know you were interested in my love life Leliana. But since you are... Ow... Okay fine! You can see it's over now, I broke his heart. Are you happy?! Andraste's ass let me go!" 

And suddenly she did. Coughing slightly and sagging against the wall for a moment she tried to think fast. Did she know who her lover was?! Where he was?! Anders was still a wanted criminal, and it had been a foolish risk for him to even send her anything... But for her to answer. 

She had let her own emotions cloud her judgement, a lesson she knew very well thanks to her long life with equally long list of heartbreak. 

Her thoughts were cut off by a long sigh from the insane woman still in her room and she turned to glare at her. Her mouth opened to speak, order her out or... Something! But Leliana held up her hand and silenced her. 

"Happy? No... Not truly. I'll admit I was surprised... But I suppose I shouldn't be. I do not blame Anders for the start of the mage rebellion. We were well aware it had been building for long before. He is a mage... And he did something terrible but really it was only a crime in that it was louder than the Games we play behind closed doors. However..." 

At that point she moved to the desk yet again, taking the envelope and handing it back to Bella with a strained smile. 

"I cannot say if this is wise... For anyone to know that Anders is your lover would cause utter chaos in our allies. We would be forced to act, and in turn forced to make a firm statement that would do anything but benefit us. But if you cut ties now he may feel forced to act rashly. This will take me time to think of how to do this to our advantage and avoid the dangers, and until then you will hold onto this and do what I say."

And there it was. This was blackmail. Bella snarled and made to take a step forward only to stop and hold herself still. This was... A lot to take in. And more than that she knew she couldn't do anything to stop it. 

The Spymaster wanted the Admiral as a person of use to her, connections and all. It felt even more like a cage and she knew cages as well as she knew heartbreak. 

And her compliance seemed to appease Leliana because she offered a softer smile that she really couldn't be sure wasn't a mask... Or genuine. 

"I simply can't imagine what our dear Commander would think about your... Connections. Can you?" 

Definitely a mask. Bella watched in mute rage as Leliana bowed slightly and turned to leave out her bedroom door with slow clipped steps that faded far before the hall would have ended. 

That numbness had returned, she could feel the weight of her septum ring in the parchment and the idea of being caged again... She laid the envelope on her bed, finally shoving her feet into her boots and numbly walking out to follow the other advisors. War meeting awaited after all... And she was too numb to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appease the Plot Bunny Slave masters!


	5. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes her poorly veiled lies got her in trouble. This time... It just might have saved her. Which made more trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day?! Whaaaaat?! Welp it's happening. Rating will be altered soon for later chapters. Mwuahahaha *coughs*

The War Room now butted up to the new Chantry Gardens. Honestly as if it wasn't annoying enough that the entire keep had a tendency to smell achingly familiar to the Chantry in Kirkwall, now there were hymns and prayers being practically shouted in the middle of their negotiations. And poorly done too. 

Normally, Isabela would roll her eyes and groan through every single uttered verse. Today she didn't feel like it. Today she just wanted to be over and done with it all. 

Her hip pushed the door open, out of habit due to her arms usually being full. Today she hadn't brought anything. Josephine was right behind her, titters in Antivan to the poor woman tasked with helping her hold and sort through the various papers. And Bella didn't even shoot a small smile at the girl, just propped open the door with her foot. 

Only for the weight of the heavy door to suddenly leave her body and be replaced with cold metal on her back. 

A clearing throat and she glanced over her shoulder somewhat shocked. He didn't... He wouldn't! 

He did. Wide Amber met honey hues and... Blushing?! What the-

"I uh... Let me get that Admiral. Ambassador." 

Cullen pulled the door open all the way to admit the three women with a small nod, and tentatively Isabela walked through. 

There was a chuckle, drawing her attention to the so far silent Spymaster that seemed to somehow have slipped in first. She shot her a glare, received an answering shrug, and took her usual place at the top left of the table. 

Josephine set down her papers, still chatting away in Antivan and the only thing that made Isabela stop blankly staring down at the map was when silence fell over everyone. That made her glance up, first to Leliana whom now sported a smug grin and then to Cullen who was... Red faced... And holding a small plate... Which he set down next to her and took his own place to her right. 

And then down to the plate... And then up to the Ambassador with a admittedly guilty look. Coffee. And Oranges. And Chocolates. All expensive and none of which was just her normal 'Starting the day, don't talk to me until I've had..' sort of fare. 

Another cleared throat, this time from the frankly curious looking Ambassador and she launched into the days complaints and proposals from the various dignitaries they treated with. 

Leliana countered at every move of course, really it seemed those too we're as much friends as enemies at times. Bella had chosen to take her coffee and watch. Feeling a slight tinge to her soul as she recognized the taste of Hazelnuts and elfroot hidden within the dark brew. 

She risked a glance at the Commander, and then away just as quickly when she caught him glancing at her. 

"Commander? Is our mind on... Something else today?" 

Josephine looked like she was trying not to giggle, and Cullen snapped to attention with a, "Yes? I mean no! I was... Bored." 

Annnnd Isabela inhaled her coffee and choked. Coughing to clear it, nose against her shoulder to hide how the liquid was trying to spray out of it. 

Bored?! Bored! /He/ said bored! That was /her/ line! 

She cleared her lungs and her vision of her small tears enough to glance at him. 

He was smiling at her. A little crooked thing and she was rendered not only speechless but... Anything but numb. 

Cullen seemed to remember himself because he quickly leaned over the map to begin moving around the markers on the map and pointing out his own solutions to various things. All of which were ignored. 

And for her part, Isabela ignored the arched brow of Leliana, and the way her emotions churned within her that made her want to take her ship and run, with a well earned treat of an orange stuffed into her mouth. 

She did make Josephine shut her giggles up with an orange peel grin though. So that was... Something? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... Yeah that happened. Whoops. XD Comments appease the Plot Bunny Slave Masters!


	6. Letters to Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Mia; 
> 
> I'm alive firstly. And no, that isn't so hard to write, but I have been busy. 
> 
> I don't know how to say this, I'm not even sure I should be telling you of all people. But I believe... I might have met someone. And she's an utter mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was prompted to do a Cullen P.O.V and explain a bit of Isabella's back story as to how she became an Advisor. Please be kind? I don't usually write Cullen because I am rubbish at it. But ah well, the show must go on! XD

~ Dearest Mia;

I'm alive firstly. And no, that isn't so hard to write, but I have been busy.

I don't know how to say this, I'm not even sure I should be telling you of all people. But I believe... I might have met someone. And she's an utter mess... And I mean a terrible mess. 

I've known her for months know, in fact I knew her in Kirkwall. Not like you might think, actually it would be more accurate to say I knew of her. She was a companion of the Champion. Worse, she was the one that brought about that awful Qunari occupation. 

I think it would be safe to say I hated her. I don't know that I have hated anyone quite as much, and you would think others would make that list before her. But something about her... It just put me off. ~

 

Cullen sat back from his desk with an irritated groan. His hands leaving the quill and paper to rub tiredly at his eyes. Soothing the headache behind them. 

All day he had held these things in, had them rattling around in his skull in a way he couldn't remember since Kirkwall. Since the lyrium was all he ate or drank as he worked for days on end as the only authority that could hold peace. What little they could scrape together what with the Templars being hated almost as much as the mages. 

Knight Commander Cullen Rutherford was a far cry from the man he was now even. Wasn't it safe to hope that Isabela the pirate could be changed too? But somehow... He knew she wasn't. And he needed to tell someone what he was ruminating on before he did something stupid. 

He took up the quill, checked his candle one more time and hazards a glance at the waste bin already crammed with crumpled starts to this letter. He had to do this in one go and have that be it. 

With an intake of air to steel his nerves he started again. 

 

~She actually started as an Agent as far as we knew. And while she was a volunteer she had so many resources of her own she ended up practically taking over our navel operations.

I remember when Leliana brought her to our attention. The amount of research that woman can do on someone is... Frightening at best. With the idea of bringing a former Raider and a seemingly powerful and ambitious woman on board as an Advisor.. I'll admit I had already made up my mind about her. It wasn't good. 

We needed the help, and we couldn't just sack her like I proposed. Half our agents in the seas called her Captain by that point. She had saved them during a storm if I recall, the previous leader of the squadron had died during it and we were told she just... Stepped in shouting orders. They made it out alive thanks to her. And no one ever asked her to step down so she just didn't. 

They also started making it through blockades of the Felicisima Armada, and without a single fight too. No boarding, no attempts to follow they just let her and whatever ships she Captains pass. And that was when we had to make a choice. She didn't make it a secret whom she was working for really, we had to make her work for us or so our Spymaster said. 

I grudgingly agreed with that, but told them all I had a bad feeling about her. It didn't stop when she arrived. 

She came in the night, was just there in the morning perched on the Inquisitor's throne as if she owned the place. And she might have been drunk... It's always hard to tell with her. 

For whatever Maker forsaken reason she was assigned as my responsibility. I suppose looking back on it, it was the wisest idea. But the way she talked down to me! Oh Mia she could beat you out for sass any day. It infuriated me! Still does actually...

So sometimes, I'll confess, I played dumb just to make her mad. And she has a long fuse, not at all something I expected from a Pirate Captain. I would have to play dumb for days sometimes, pretending I didn't understand basic concepts just so eventually she would get this tick in her left eyebrow and I would win for the day. 

And then... Well making her angry became more fun. I don't think I realized it before today. I started waking her up early, which is never ever a good idea with Isabela. The things she has thrown at my head... Once it was a dagger actually. It still made me... I don't know Mia, happy? Is that odd? Making her angry made me happy. 

I think I have always known I had feelings for her. Maybe that was why I hated her so much. She's absolutely breathtaking when she's mad at me, and when she's in pain... Today I found out how furious that actually makes me. 

I woke her up, and instead of her usual self she was so off. She sounded like she was trying too hard and she mentioned her monthlys. I hadn't really even thought about it before. But it made me want to care for her. 

And I did. I laced her usual tea with a flavor she  had said she missed once and some herbs... like what you taught me and you're never allowed to tell me that you told me so. I even brought her oranges and chocolate from the larder. Mia, oranges are not easy to get this far into the mountains and honestly they cost a pretty coin. 

But I wasn't expecting her to look so lovely either. Her hair was down for once, thick waves of the darkest brown I have ever seen and wild like she just came off the seas. No, more like she is a walking sea. Maker, listen to me trying to wax poetic. 

I'm going to finish this letter before I muck it up again and burn it. But Mia, if you're still the praying sort please send some for me? I'm completely lost in this... You know I never was very skilled in handling women. And Andraste have mercy on me, I think she is more woman than any man can ever truly handle. 

Sincerely, 

Cullen~

 

He sat back, blinking dumbly at the full page of black script. Had he really just wrote all that?! About /her/ of all people?! Some of it... He hadn't even realized himself. But now that it was there in stark wet ink he knew it was absolutely truth. 

He sighed, dropping the quill and massaging his hand for a moment to ease the cramps that had formed. 

His candle was about set to gut out, he did still have work to do and admittedly some of Isabela's as well. She really hadn't seemed herself, and the fact that she wasn't was settling in his gut like a weight. 

He had known her for months and yet... Had he just never paid attention before? Was she always like this? But that was the thing wasn't it... 

He knew now that he had always paid extremely close attention to her. And he had never ever seen her like this. 

With that thought he prepared his seal and an envelope to send the letter in, waiting a moment more for the ink to dry before putting it all together and blowing out the candle. He wasn't going to be able to work now, not with a certain dark skinned temptress dancing around in his head. Or the way that numbness in her normally bright golden eyes had shoved a dagger between his ribs.

It was going to be a very long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos please? The slave master are hungry for plot encouraging carrots!


	7. Holes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Varric came running at you, you knew you were in trouble. Isabela had run from the pint sized teddy bear of fury and concern more times than she would ever admit before, but this time.. there was nowhere to run in her cage of stone and secrets and friends. Especially friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we thicken the plot! Mwuahahaha and so it starts...

She drummed her fingers on the worn wooden surface of the table. The great hall was slowly emptying now that breakfast was over, and it was leaving her without anyone to talk too. 

Without the numbness she had been counting on to sustain her she was finding herself bored. And conflicted. What was going on with the Commander exactly? Was it his Lyrium again? Did he go back to it? She would be lying if she said she wasn't worried. 

Apparently he wasn't all that good at being discreet, although in fairness there wasn't really much to really be discreet about. Josephine had approached her after the council and told her she was on leave for the week. And she brooked no arguments either. Apparently her /condition/ was something the Ambassador could empathize with and that fact alone made guilt settle in her stomach. 

A week of no work, even Cullen had forbade her from even entering his office, and the idea she was suffering from something... She couldn't. 

One secret that even Leliana didn't know. Although her smug smile proved she knew it was a lie and she was revelling in Bella's suffering. Somewhat anyways. The Spymaster, however, had whispered as she passed in the hall that she already had an idea for their /issues/. Honestly she didn't know how much that woman actually cared and how much she didn't. It was unnerving. 

Not nearly as much as the way her heart started hurting again once the din of people quieted down and she could think. Maker she missed Anders. He had no idea what was going on here. He didn't know that Isabela had effectively ended everything. He was still waiting, in their cottage on the Storm Coast, for the wife he was trying to heal, to come home. And she would never be home. She would never give him those children they had dreamed about. She probably wouldn't live to see next year... Not when she was certain that saving Hawke from the fade would cost her life. 

That was something she could still work on, it had been in secret anyways but now it was her only chance of getting out from under the Spymaster's thumb. Huffing a sigh she stood up and turned to scan the shadows. Watching for any movement that would reveal a tail. For once she didn't see one... Apparently Leliana decided her blackmailing was sufficient to keep Isabela in check. 

Mind eased a little she made her way to Solas' study. 

Varric was curiously absent from his usual desk, probably avoiding the letters he received by the score every day. But that was fine, she wasn't in the mood to deal with his prying. And he would pry. 

She pushed open the door, glancing up quickly to gauge just how attentive Leliana was being to the elven mage before she asked for his advice. 

That also hadn't escaped her notice. Leliana was curiously watchful of the man, to the point of being downright creepy. Leaning against the rail just away from her desk to watch the poor man paint or study, and once even nap! If Bella didn't know any better... She would say the Spymaster had a thing for Solas.

Probably not though... She probably just liked scaring the shit out of everyone. 

But no sign of the Hooded Harpy so maybe she really was working on something. Still Bella went to his desk and cleared her throat softly to drag his attention away from the glowy rock he was bent over. 

"Solas? I have a... Curiosity. Something I could use your knowledge on Elven artifacts for. Could I steal you for a bit?" 

Solas of course straightened and clasped his hands behind his back as he gave her his full attention. 

"Of course. What can I do for you Admiral? Is this about the artifact?" 

She smiled and shook her head, remembering exactly how that conversation had gone when she had first met the man.

Her crew had found a wreck in one of the last missions she had done in the field. Like most wrecks there was a tidy bit of coin and other valuables; and like the Pirate she was she had ordered a diving competition for it. And also like the Pirate she was she had participated. 

On this one however, they had found what seemed to be an Orb like statue that seemed to be Tevinter make. But it was the way she had found it, swimming right up to it and counting on Anders to magically keep her breath going underwater with a pocket of air.

She was planning on just touching it, using it to launch off for the pile of coin instead. But the second that magic air bubble grazed the orb it had sent her flying upwards with a burst of magic. 

And of course, as she told the story it had also managed to take off her tunic with the force of it. But that hadn't been what had caught Solas' attention, oh no. It was the artifact and the lecture he gave afterwards... Well she had been interested of course but she also had been drunk. Nothing like a hangover with the sound of a history lesson droning on in your head, that was for sure. 

So now it was a funny memory but it also made Isabela very aware of this man's potential use to her. And that was why she was here now. Although the memory of a memory sparked that pang of hurt and longing. Anders. Everything she had been and done before had touches of him and it seemed like she would never escape it now. 

The price to pay for her cruelty.

She muscled through it, shaking her head with that too bright smile and that too loud laugh she hide behind.

"Not that one, no. Pretty sure none of us ever want to deal with that thing ever again. But we did find... Something else. I'm told it's called an Eluvian? I had some questions about it's uses.." 

Silence was a rather common trait in the mage. But silence with a tightening jaw and a hard stare was not. He almost seemed... Angry? Huh. 

She waited for him to respond and watched as his face turned that strange 'Friendly-but-blank' that he used sometimes. 

"I have many answers about them. What we know at any rate.. perhaps tonight we can discuss it further. I have much work to do yet." 

She risked a glance upwards for a moment, seeing exactly what might have made him clam up immediately. The Hooded Harpy was back, and low and behold she was watching them. Or probably just /him/ but honestly it was hard to tell with her.

"That's fine. It isn't urgent, I am just /bored/ and curious." 

She didn't take her eyes off Leliana, making no secret of the fact she was smiling brightly up at the woman and speaking /partially/ to her. Solas chuckled softly and nodded, going back to his rock or whatever. 

"Very well, tonight then." 

Bella nodded, and stopped the staring contest with the Spymaster to turn and leave. Her steps taking her as it usually would to the Commanders office before remembering her ban on all work for a week.

Groaning she kicked the door in spite and turned to go... Do something.. or something. But the great hall was about the only place she could be without encountering anyone that might distract her. Or worse, make her think /more/ about things she didn't want too. Like Anders. 

She had just decided on visiting the undercroft for a bit when she stiffened suddenly. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she only had a moment to realize what this feeling was before..

"Rivaini!" 

Her jaw dropped open and she turned oh so slowly to greet the dwarf that... yup! Was full on sprinting up at her with concern etched all over his features. And a little rage. 

"Well shit!" 

Was all she hissed out before she fished for a vial in her pocket and cracked it on the ground. Disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Also booking it for the front door. 

Which lasted all of about ten seconds before her smoke was gone and she screamed in shock as ice cold water splashed over her head and down her entire body, heavy enough to make her fall flat on her arse. 

A giggle, one she knew all too well and a slow clap was the reaction and she peeled her eyes open to see Sera perched on top of the keystone above the door frame with a Bucket... And the towering form of Bull at the bottom of the stairs. 

"Didn't think that would work so well. Don't pirates usually love water?" 

Bull had his one eye scanning over her, or her no doubt fast becoming transparent tunic, and while usually she would have flirted with him she was a bit off put by the feeling of being ganged up on at the moment. 

And as for Sera.. she barely dodged the bucket flying at her head as Sera dropped it to start climbing down. Probably threw it. 

"Yeah well /this/ one probably hasn't been /wet/ in... Shit. Piss! I had something for this!" 

She was getting set to smack the girl but that same feeling of hairs prickling that had nothing to do with her ice coated sodden clothes was happening again. She didn't have to turn around to know why. He spoke first anyhow. 

"Rivaini... We need to talk." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make the plot bunnies happy! And when they are happy they feed me, the loyal slave. XD


	8. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slumber party in Bull's room! No? Not... Not a slumber party? Bullocks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got this entire chapter written yesterday and my phone died. So... Please be gentle with me? Doesn't feel nearly as good as it was before.

Talks with Varric usually meant good booze and only slightly bad news. The booze was meant to soften the blow that whatever bad news was usually partially your own damn fault. 

If it wasn't your fault, you would never hear about it. The merchant prince of crime management had these ways of taking care of things. 

But if there was no booze... That meant you fucked up royally. And not even Varric could fix it. 

This was how Bella knew this talk wasn't going to go well. That and the fact she had been whisked away to Bull's room, sodden clothing and all. Currently she leaned against the Headboard of the broken bed and Varric sat to her right. Sera was perched on the footboard, and Bull was leaning against the door. Either making sure she couldn't leave... Or listening for any spies. Probably both. 

Varric touched her shoulder and she couldn't help but shrug away. This wasn't something she wanted to do today! She had a hard enough time with the seemingly endless change from being numb and trapped to having emotions and trapped. Now she felt even more trapped. 

And there was no booze. 

She tossed a glare at Sera, gesturing to her tunic. 

"Did you /have/ to get me sick?! I'm going to catch a cold you know. And if I start sneezing it's going to be right into your face." 

For a moment Sera actually looked hurt, and then she took a deep breath which was probably even more unsettling. It seemed like she was trying to compose herself... 

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU SWARMY CUNT?! I THOUGH WE WERE FRIENDS YEAH?! FRIENDS TELL EACH OTHER SHITE, AND THIS IS THE BIGGEST STEAMYEST LOAD OF NUG SHITE I'VE EVER SEEN!" 

Nope. Just getting enough air to scream. Bella flinched, wiping spittle from her face and plugging and unplugging her ears for a moment to get the ringing to stop. 

"Tell you what sweet thing? I don't... Know... Varric? You didn't. You didn't!" 

As she had been glancing between them it dawned on her. Varric's face when he came running, these too and their stubborn refusal to let her leave. It hit like a kick to the stomach. And it brought back memories she had long hoped buried. 

Blood and pain, a dirty room in the Allienage as she bit down on a leather wrapped stick to try and muffle her screams. It was too soon! Even now she could feel the phantom twinges as if she was right back in that place. And with those brief memories... Came more guilt. Another lie. A damn clever one too. 

"Rivaini I thought the seal had broken again! I thought you were going to die on me... I had no choice but to tell Sera, she was with me when we got the news you needed cloths. By Curly I'll add. At least I didn't tell him!" 

Bless him, he was trying not to shout. And it wasn't helping her feel any better as his tone rose and leveled and rose again. Right now all she could feel was rage. It was her secret! No one else needed to know! 

The only reason Varric knew at all was because Merrill had needed help, and supplies. They had to move her back to the tavern first. They had too... No, she didn't want to think about that. About what she had to do that night. Or the months after that night. 

Instead she just shook her head, eyes dropping to her lap and tears pricking at her eyes. 

"It's not a seal Varric... Well not like that. Trust me it isn't going to happen again." 

He scoffed and tried to touch her again, but she shirked away. And that made him more angry. 

"What is wrong with you?! We don't /know/ that! We never knew that! Luis-"

"Didn't get me fucking pregnant Varric!" 

Her heart was racing, she hated hearing that name and even worse the weight of her lies was crushing her. But even with the roar of her blood in her ears she could still hear it... Silence. 

She didn't want to look at anyone. Didn't want to see their faces. Least of all Varric's. He was putting the pieces together she was sure, and he moved a bit away from her as it settled on him. 

He sucked in a breath, breaking the silence. 

"Broody doesn't know... Does Anders?" 

She shook her head and finally the tears fell. Varric got up to pace but the weight that had been at the foot of the bed moved, shifted upwards. Slim arms slipped around her shoulders and for a moment she wanted to push her away too. But Sera was going to be stubborn about this, and Bella ended up with her head on her breast crying softly as the pain slowly started boiling to the surface. 

Bull however cleared his throat, catching everyone's attention and forcing Bella to hazard a watery glance at the looming figure. 

"I get that you're going to need more talking time for this. But that wasn't what Varric was going to tell you. This has to wait..." 

Varric threw his hands up in frustration, pacing faster as those same hand carded through his hair. She knew that move... She knew this pacing and that tick. It made something heavy and cold settle in her gut and she lifted herself from Sera's embrace to scoot over and grab his tunic hem as he passed. Stopping him. 

"Varric? What is he talking about?" 

He didn't look down at her, but his hand did cover hers warmly and he sighed, pinching the bride of his nose as he spoke. 

"I got reports from my contacts... Two men headed here from the North, one glowing elf and one Rivain Noble. And A Dalish Keeper and a young boy heading from the West. I though it was...." 

He didn't get to finish that sentence. Because the second he said Rivain Noble she was already racing out the door. 

The one Bull opened for her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun-Dun-Duuuuuun! I know... I'm terrible. XD Comments appease the Plot Bunny Slave Masters!


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